Dear Affair Partner

Dear affair partner. 

I used to think about you. In the hours to days after D-Day. My mind would briefly wander from the ashes and aftermath to one question. Only one. What happened to you?

I would imagine the worst. You had to have your own story. A woman who chooses a married man for six years has a story. This made my story more palatable. Reason. Purpose behind devastating behaviors and consequences. And I would find myself praying for you. For your redemption. For a divine intervention. A new beginning with God, authentic love, and purpose beyond what you had chosen for yourself and your family. I forgave you. And I pray you forgave yourself.

Dear affair partner.

I knew what happened to you. You didn’t even have to tell me. I was in the therapy and trauma books so deep. The energy and the words you echoed through the phone that night reflected nothing short of a broken human. I hope you found support. I hope you found healing. I hope you go on to break the cycle for your children. I hope you feel loved and free. I forgive you.   

Dear affair partner.

I know you didn’t know. I believe you. And I am sorry.  I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. Thank you for all your efforts to find me, to confirm I knew the truth.  Thank you for sending the images my heart needed to see. I prayed often for your healing and renewed sense of trust. I prayed for you to experience true, authentic love. I hope you found all of this and more.  

Dear affair partner.

I used to dream about you. Sometimes I see your face. Sometimes it is the shadow of you, moving about my marital home.  Sometimes I see your clothes in my closet, and I run my fingers across the hangars. Dainty. Petite. Sometimes I tell you what you already know to be true.  You can’t hear me. Sometimes I wonder what I would say, if you could hear. I know where you are, because I was there too. And we can’t hear, when we are there. But if there is a day. If there is a day the clouds break free, and the sun hits your face and for a solid second you can hear. I only want to tell you one thing…you are worth more.

To the others.

 To the souls I will never know. To the ones who were swept up by one encounter, months of chaos or years of hanging on to the idea of a life that simply did not exist. The truth of this entire picture, is we all arrived here at the hands of evil that exists in this world. At the hands of another’s brokenness converging with our own. The truth of this entire story, our story, connected by one ending and another beginning, is we are all seeking the same thing. We all desire love, acceptance, to be seen and valued. We will not find the true meaning of this in worldly relationships or things. We will try. We will certainly try. 

Dear affair partner.

In my story, this was your title. But in your story, you may be Mom. Wife. Daughter. Sister. In your story, this is how God sees you.

What if we hold titles that were not ours to bear? Titles cultivated for and given by the evil that exists in this world.

What if for today, you hang up that title.

What if for today, you have the opportunity to break a cycle that has defined you.

What if for today, you create a ripple that inspires change. Change that leads to no more broken homes. Present parents and spouses who own their brokenness and do not let it own them.

What if for today, you are not the affair partner in my story. You are not the affair partner in your story. And we allow God to take this from our hands, and use it for His good.