Not From God

I was out on a walk and catching up with a dear friend. She was sharing the latest raw emotions with me on her own healing journey from betrayal, crying out to me and eventually to God. She asked me why God would allow this to happen to her. Why would God allow this to happen to her family? She is a good person with good moral character, and wanted to know why God would have this be her story.

Dear partner. These are the questions that rip you to your core. Questions that take you back to your own bedroom floor with tear-stained cheeks and anger running through your veins as you also once cried out to God, simply asking, why me? We serve a God who asks us to bring all of it. To bring all of our burdens, questions and anger, so he may pick them up, and carry them for us. But this, dear partner, this is not from God.

God is many things and evil is not one of them. Evil is not from God. And a belief in and serving God does not entitle us as exempt from the evils of this world. But anger is validated. Our anger at the evils of this world is completely validated, seen, heard, and mourned by God.

As we continue our journey, moving toward our 10ft view of healing, I encourage you to reflect on the following. If not from God, then where does it come? From where does the evil of betrayal come?

When I was playing with baby dolls and my sister was learning to French braid my hair, there were children among us who were already in or destined for the throws of sexual addiction. Children, who would eventually become adults, who would eventually become spouses. Children who maybe had an early exposure to pornography, compounded by, in some cases, a significant childhood trauma. Children who learned sexualized pain or numbing, alternative realities to sexual intimacy, as coping mechanisms for emotions they were not free or able to express otherwise. This is not an excuse for the character that walks the earth in adult form. It is not an excuse for the betrayal that ripped our families apart. But such experiences are an impactful foundation. We as partners or ex-partners cannot change what happened in the lives of our spouses, or even the choices and behaviors they exhibit now as functioning adults. But we do have another generation, our offspring and their offspring, and generations to come. Extensions of our stories that could, from exposure to our DNA and the ways of this world, follow in suit for a life of similarly manifested behaviors and choices.

So what can we do with this?

What can we do now, that provides a firm foundation for our children?

What can we do now, that provides opportunities to overcome the evils of this world?

We can be the example.

We can demonstrate a learned ability to sit in and process our discomfort, and not reach for a quick fix or high to replace it.

We can create safe and open environments for children to express difficult emotions, instead of hiding, running, or numbing.

We can share, when age appropriate, the raw truths about pornography. Defining what intimacy is and is not. Defining what authentic love is and is not.

We can demonstrate appropriate boundaries in how we choose to show up in the world, protecting our mind and space from the potential for negative, toxic influence. What we watch. What we expose our brain to, matters. And they are watching. Our littles are always watching.

And perhaps most importantly, we can emulate what is from God.

Love.

Truth.

Humility.

Compassion.

We can be honest that God does allow suffering, when he is a God that can also prevent it.

We can be honest that God is a healer. And he can make all things new.

We can be humble and true to our own healing journeys, and not paint on a face that otherwise says, I have it all together.

We can reflect our faith in the battles we carry, while articulating it is not our children’s job to carry them.

Evil is not from God, dear partner.

Evil is many, many, things. And God is not one of them.